MASCOT MUST CUT THE MOUTARDE

Not that I am counting daily, but I think I broke a daily record of hits yesterday and that must have been thanks to my Walking Football buddies from Penistone Church WFC (W = Walking that is) who may have thought they were being part of a viral blog. No chance.

We don't have a mascot as such, although one or two of the chaps could possibly put themselves forward.

When I played in the Collyers GS 1st XI in Horsham, we had a mascot, Woofles, that lived in the goal net behind goalie Doughy Baker. We didn't need help actually, we were very good and Doughy, a solid guardian in nets. But you know what kids are like, anything to help explain a defeat. "Woofles was facing the wrong way", "Who left him in the coach?", "Did the ball hit him and bounce out?".

The French Cockerel "Balthazar", a long time mascot of the French football team, is banned from this tournament "for security reasons". You would think that with the deployment of every French security person capable of walking, a friendly cock wouldn't cause much stress. As its owner, who has exposed the beast since France's 1998 World Cup win, said, "My cock's part of French legend"...quite right mon ami.

So why the much publicised English mascot, Leo in France? Well, it is there to create a bit of a distraction for the squad who are in danger of getting bored in their £500 a night hotel. It will cause much amusement when the captain announces daily which member of the squad has earned the right to "babysit" it through some horrendous error. A penalty miss maybe, or diving header own goal?

On school tours, there is always need for a mascot or a forfeit sometimes known as "Dick of the Day". Yes, some poor chap has made a crucial mistake, un faux pas or similar during the day, so he has to wear the gaudy Hawaiian, nasty shirt that hasn't been washed since the beginning of the cricket tour and was last worn by the teacher-scorer, weighing in at 16 stone, 40+ years old and sweating like a tropper in a badly air conditioned score box. Not good.

Our local football team, Hepworth United (Open Age) has a "Godiva" award for the lad who has made the biggest "cock up" during the season. It is based over about 9 months, so there is plenty of scope for a belting mess up. This year the lad who failed to score a goal in any match, by tradition, walked naked from the local pub in the village, where a few beers had been consumed, to the pitch on the outskirts of the settlement; he was allowed a ruck sack to put his clothes in! Much mirth in the Pennines.

The British Lions of course have their Lion mascot (carried by the youngest squad member all the time), the Tour De France also presents a Lion to every stage winner. So far it is Chris Smalling who carried Leo. Nobody was on hand to explain why he had the honour, but the jape is to "kidnap" the mascot in which case the "babysitter" has to deal with another more embarrassing forfeit.

Actually there are three Lions of course and Leo is the larger one. Not quite sure what happe3ns to the two spares-the local school children were amused by

This year Super Victor is the mascot (emblem) for the French Euro Championships; do you remember World Cup Willie in 1966 or Goaliath in  our 1996 Euro? Willie worked, Goaliath nearly did.

Dean Ashton, briefly a member of the England squad from 2006 who only managed one international appearance, said that in his time there were dreadful "cliques" in the camp and some senior players never spoke to him. Small "club" groups formed and at meal times so there was little cameraderie in the camp. Dan Ashworth (not to be confused with Dean) the FA's director of Elite development is sent by the FA to keep an eye on Roy. Ashworth is acting like a "mascot", keeping an eye on the manager and the way the English perform in France and presumably making sure there are no huddles.

Perhaps Leo, Roy and Wayne and the many other back room staff will get that right this time round.