FENG SHUI FOR CHANGING ROOMS

'We visited the MCG two days ago and we were shown the inner workings of the magnificent stadium on an official tour. It's not really Lords though but impressive nevertheless and of course very "new". The canteen and changing rooms for the players were drab but functional and since AFL teams have to cram themselves into their relevant dressing rooms, these were like warehouses, impersonal but did leave space for a footy ball to be pumped around at warm up. 

For me they didn't give the cricketer much comfort, a bit like prisoners waiting to fight the lions in the Roman Colosseum; a ramp up to the pitch wide enough for a truck to pass down. The canteen was just as bleak and didn't look as though they did cucumber sandwiches or China cups.

Now I can understand the psychology of providing those facilities for the away team, but not for the home team! Feng shui has a lot to answer for, even in sports' pavilions.

The Millenium Stadium at Cardiff had a bad luck dressing room to the south of the tunnel. For 12 years, teams from the unlucky south lost major finals. In came the local Feng shui man with incense, bells and a Phoenix sun mural by Andrew Vicari to drive away the curse. It worked and Stoke City beat Brentford in a Division 2 play 2-0 the next time round.

Anzhi Makhachkala FC in 2013, played European matches at the FC Saturn Ramenskoye stadium, to which they were banished following a ban at their own ground for previous misdemeanours. They provided leather armchairs for their opponents to sit in before and during half time. This was to soften their opponents, the chairs were meant to create lethargy and calm.

At the Emirates even Arsene has been at it by placing a large wooden cupboard set in the middle of the away dressing room so that most of the room had a blind spot, when the manager was giving his final speech. When anything was placed on top of the block, nobody could see across the room.

When Argentina played Peru in the 1929 Copa America, they were winning 2-0 at half time when a Peruvian official locked them in their dressing. This trick didn't work as the Argies, ever resourceful, climbed out of a window and got back to the pitch for the second half, scoring almost immediately.

John Beck was well known for his tricks and he designed a small , cramped, L shaped away dressing rooms so that players couldn't contact each other easily, flat kick in balls, cold water in the showers and dodgy heating. Cheating? The article below tells of more examples of his gamesmanship.

www.dailymail.co.uk › article-2449842. 

Below, John Beck, master of the dark arts.

Even at White hart Lane, the away changing room is much smaller and less well equipped that the home team's. And why not! It sometimes helps.